How we respond to threats_

We walk our whole lives on the edge of triggering our flight or fight response system. An unexpected noise sends a jolt of adrenaline straight up our spines often for nothing. A comment that attacks our beliefs raises our blood pressure and we end up consumed all night in idioligical fight mode. Every human interaction is either going to make us feel safe or threatened. Today, in our ever increasing vitriolic society, safety is a message that our personal brands have to convey.

We are naturally poised to defend ourselves against the unknown. In B2B sales, an executive is defending their time, defending mental clutter, defending their net. The consumer is defending their home, their self-image, their bank account.

When you come in as an unknown, you have to acknowledge that you are automatically coming in as a threat to all of those things.

We respond to threats by avoidance, by knee jerking, by aggressive tonality. We either run away from sales people or fight them. We delete the relentless emails without looking at them or we email back and really give them a piece of our mind.

All threats are responded to with flight or fight and sometimes freeze.

As much as it is the responsibility of the individual to challenge their own assumptions of who is a threat, especially with bias or race, it will always be the responsibility of a brand whether it be the business or a person to figure out how to not be threatening.

As long as your goal is to get someone to depart with their resources which is time and/or money, you will be a threat.

I get the frustration. You want to reach out to people. You want to make connections. But cold out reach is uncomfortable. It’s uncomfortable for you, it’s uncomfortable for them. But you have to be disciplined in having empathy for the company or consumer you are trying to connect with.

Here’s how I approach developing business with new people.

First, I try to be somebody’s plus one.

I try to make a lot of friends in business. People who I don’t try to sell to but who I think we can provide each other enough value through sharing ideas, sharing connections or just being an open ear for when business gets hard. We champion each other’s business and when it comes to being introduced to someone new, you are immediately not threatening. When someone says, “I want you to meet…” the unspoken aside is “…they’re one of us.”

The second thing I do is bring a gift. The classic peace offering. Sometimes this is an actual gift. For quite a while when I went to sales meetings I would bring a little tin of pistachio, chocolate chip, and sea salt cookies from a local bakery. I don’t think I lost a single sale when I did that. In large account business gifts look like invitation to lunch or dinner, box tickets to a game (when in person sports were happening 😫), gift packages, donating to a charity that’s important to them.

But gifts don’t have to be material. A gift can be a referral. It can be a compliment on something you noticed about them in something public they did. It can be a nice note of appreciation. It can be an invitation to be a guest on a podcast or to be a guest in a zoom networking call or to some kind of exclusive group. Whatever you decided to do, get creative. Make a peace offering and you will never be a threat.

The third thing I do is offer as much insight as I can possibly muster on any topic that is important to that person. I really try to become a resource for them and someone who is enjoyable to talk to. I trust that eventually, we will address a problem that my paid offer solves and if not, I have a new business friend that can introduce me to more people. This offer of insight really extends beyond blanket “educational” content. That’s important but really this is more about helping to problem solve.

It’s not uncommon for me to have a whiteboard session or a brainstorming walk where we just talk about the current problem they are trying to solve. I am completely fine if that problem isn’t something I solve through my paid offer. If I have a thought it’s free. You get what you paid for. If I don’t know, I try to connect them with someone who does. If I can help, we talk business.

That last piece is all about finding a problem to solve. Everyone has them and they all leave us wounded like animals. And like a wounded animal, we don’t know whether the shadowy figure is coming to help or finish us off. Your job is to come in and assure them you’re there to help.

Imagine what developing new business would look like if it was just a little more friendly, a little more giving, and a little more impactful. You won’t feel like you’re the fly that got in the room. You won’t feel like a bother. But you’ll feel accepted, appreciated and helpful. It’s a better way.

If you don’t know much about me yet on the professional side. I work with companies who are trying to automate their marketing funnels and drive more business. My design and tech team and I do this through helping companies design and build a booking site that puts appointments right on their calendar using WP and the Periodic platform. I’m very happy to make new business friends and have whiteboard sessions. Let’s collaborate! Hop on my calendar anytime.