I’m trying to give more room for others to speak_

The challenge I have with having a lot on my mind is that I often have too much to say. I’m working on that. I’m trying to give people more room to speak.

I wear two hats. I’m a marketer and a business developer. The marketer in me wants desperately to convey my message and explain things. The business developer needs me to listen to the needs of others.

I’m at war with myself. I’m also naturally verbose and an external processor. But I’m striving to let listening become my default interpersonal trait.

Here are a couple of things I’ve been trying and some observations.

I am finding opportunities to reflect back what people are saying to me.

I do this by telling myself at the beginning of their sentence to listen for some key point and repeat it back to them to see if they will elaborate.

In practice, I’ve found it gives people an opportunity to examine their own contradictions and to clarify if necessary. Sometimes leading to frustration.

I’ve found that it reaffirms that I am listening. Not only to them, but because I’m telling myself at the beginning of the sentence to listen and reflect, it actually helps me to listen and not just think about the next thing I’m going to say.

I’m trying to collaborate on ideas rather than push my own. I might come to the table with several ideas but it’s important to me that I’m not married to any of them. If I keep them open and mailable I’m more likely to get most of what I want pushed through while also satisfying the other persons needs.

I find this openness to collaboration often leads to a better more complete version of what I was able to come up with on my own.

Last, I’m making an effort to empathize and assume the good intentions of other when they speak. I want to understand how they feel. I want to assume they are trying to do the right thing. And I’m trying to insert boundaries and reality checks along the way. I haven’t quite figured out how to do this without friction.

In fact, many times a day, I feel like I am failing miserably with communication. But I am practicing. And I THINK I’m getting better.