Social Identity Theory

How we find our people and become our authentic selves.

Understanding who we are and feeling connected to a greater sense of self is the existential crisis of our modern age. We’ve all become guilty of being voyeurs of life through the lens of the small screen you’re holding in your hands.

The voyeurism allows us the ability to disconnect from the reality of consequences. We are permitted to believe a radical view that somehow doesn’t seem so radical to us and we don’t have to face the consequences of being extreme. We are protected by the ether. If someone wanted to punch me in the face, good luck finding me.

That’s the world we’re in. We can talk to anyone but we connect with no one. Just because the little button says connect, doesn’t mean there is real connection.

This is a serious problem. Especially for young people. Introverts have had a great time finding refuge behind the screen and pumping themselves up while putting down us extroverts, but the anxiety is catching up with them. Even introverts need to have a physical real life community.

The positive of our digital social life is that it’s exposed us to the possibilities of what it means to be unique. For some people, the extremities of individuality and uniqueness are out of control. They want to turn away but their newsfeed won’t let them. For other, the extremities are where they can finally find community and not feel so alone.

Social Identity Theory is at the heart of why people need their subcultural communities and why finding similarity with others is how we ultimately find our authentic selves and as a result, wind up saving our own lives.

Categorization

We sort people (including ourselves) to understand social environment.

If you don’t think too hard about things and you live with a base line of apprehension as if your amygdala is always idling ready to rev up, then categorization is pretty easy for you. There is us, and everyone else is them. This is easy for you but hard for everyone else. But I won’t bother explaining why because of this is you, well, you don’t care why.

The rest of us live on a spectrum of understanding that there is us and then a lot of different thems that also have rights, interests, people they care about, and things that matter to them. Some of us are very empathetic to the point of sacrificing our own welling being for the sake of others that aren’t like us and some of us idle somewhere around live and let live.

Regardless, we’re all categorizing.

Before we come of age, our parents categorize us. They choose our religion, our politics, our allegiances, our sports teams, our rules. They create who we are. But budding inside of us is a personality that parents have no chance at controlling. That personality is equipped with traits and characteristics that lead to interests and individual beliefs. We’re programmed at a certain point to think that everything our parents say is dumb and everything the outside world is teaching us is new and insightful. It’s a mechanism that helps us fly the nest. Eventually we come back around, only if, our parents actually make sense.

Once we fly we look for the distinctions in each group and we try new things. We find a category of people that feels comfortable. There isn’t much logic to it. It’s a feeling thing. If it feels right we stay. If it feels wrong we move on.

The best way to find this group is to involve yourself in some kind of social arena. A physical arena. Where you actually, you know, hang out.

This is why college is still valid for so many youth. One, they are going to get an education that will return over a 250% return on investment over the course of 10 years compared to their non-college attending peers. Two, they will meet people who will help them discover who they are.

The sub-categorization of college campuses across the social sphere is getting broader and broader. You can find your crew and it will be hella niche.

The consequence of not finding your crew is dire. Especially for young men, who are representing 3 out of 4 deaths of desperation today. Finding a social center and community is a life and death matter.

The miracle of finding your people is happiness. It really is. Finding a place where you feel belonging is the most quintessentially human thing we can do, yet somehow we’re creating a world where that’s become difficult.

Nevertheless, finding comfort in a group that feels right, is the beginning of understanding your own identity.

Identification

We adopt the identity of the group we have categorized ourselves as belonging to.

In other words, we find ourselves through others. Through our community. At first glance, to the rebellious and the lone wolves, this might not sit quite right. Individuality comes at a premium and following the crowd isn’t always advertised as cool. But James Clear once said, “we’d rather be wrong together, than right and alone”.

No where is this more present than in politics. You’ve probably noticed that people you genuinely like but who have different political beliefs than you seem to have a brain aneurysm anytime politics are brought up. It’s like their brain shuts off and some nut job in their party starts pulling the strings and pushing a sound bite button that starts spewing nonsense.

What may be even harder to fathom is that they look at you and think the same exact thing. That’s because once they’ve identified themselves as conservative or progressive, they look for the identity traits of their group and they try them on for size. Maybe at first it feels a little awkward but eventually the traits get broken in and they feel comfortable on them. I’m a hat guy, and any time I get a new hat, it doesn’t feel quite right. But eventually it does.

There isn’t much use in disputing the fact that we adopt the traits of the group we categorize ourselves in. The key is intentionality and openness.

It’s the getting entrenched in the identity of our group where we find ourselves at first and then we lose ourselves again.

The people who spend hours at night arguing their political talking points against people who are wrong on the internet are the ones losing their personal identity in the identity of the group. You become so protective of your group that you can’t call it out for its own BS. For the group this is great. It creates unity. Something the Republicans have as a strong suit. But that doesn’t mean it’s healthy. Democrats on the other hand are so self-aware and self righteous about their own shortcomings as a party that they fight amongst themselves just as much as they do the opposition. It may not always be the winning strategy but at least it’s honest.

Self awareness is the key here. Something that only 10% of the population have. I look at my family of five and I do the math, and the odds that me or any of us at home are self aware are not great. But I at least attempt to have enough self awareness to question whether my personal identity traits that I’ve latched on to are still coming from my group or if I have evolved as a human being yet.

The personal evolution comes from how you deal with the natural comparison.

Comparison

We then tend to compare that group with other groups.

The danger is in the comparison but not without a potential upside. We compare our groups to others because it’s safe. We notice the differences and quickly decide whether a person fits within our sphere of safety or not.

There is utility to this. At work, creating an environment where like-minded individuals feel safe and kinship can really get things moving. There is speed when there is trust.

You could make and argument, and you’d be right, that developing a unified team culture where people feel belonging and do awesome things together is a recipe for success. Even comparing how your company does things to the more public problem areas of the competition can create camaraderie and pride in the level of work your team does. Go ahead, read the negative reviews of your competition with your team. Show them what’s makes your company different. It will strengthen their resolve to do better.

But here’s the ugly side. We have a tendency to look at “others” and use the differences to lengthen the divide. We shut out potential future members because we look at the wrong traits as part of the recipe of success. We start to look and sound more and more alike and we tune out differences of opinion. We can’t recognize those opinions come from a different perspective. A perspective that can see clearly around our blind spots. Groupthink becomes pervasive and soon enough we’re headed off a cliff and everyone agrees it’s a fantastic idea.

If we’re going to compare, which we will, then we have to do it with eyes wide open to the fact that Social Identity Theory is a two-sided coin. Heads, and we feel belonging, a personal sense of identity, safety, and courage to face big challenges. Tails, and we turn away people from the storm, we fight against things we can’t and don’t want to understand, we limit our own potential, and we go down with a sinking ship and play violin on the way down.

The reality is that you have and will continue to follow Social Identity Theory throughout your life. The only question is whether you have the self-awareness and fearlessness to challenge your own identity.

-Torlando

P.S. On a recent episode of the PaintED podcast I had Mike Gore-Hickman on to talk business. Are you doing the most profitable task in your company? Production? Sales? Recruiting? Check out his math. It could surprise you. Listen Here.

P.P.S. I’m taking on a small number of part-time partnerships heading into the end of the year. If you’re feeling the weight of going it alone in your business, you don’t have to keep being a lone wolf. Working with a part-time partner can take a few hats off your head and give you the edge on taking things to the next level. Let’s divide and conquer. Get on my schedule at https://craftsmanpainter.com/torlando